A Fresh Start.

Hey there, peeps. I've decided to start this blog fresh because after I reread my previous entries, I feel like my thoughts are so immature and lame. So, yeah :D

I'm not gonna lie, there was a time when I wanted to study abroad so bad. But now, I am scared shitless. I don't wanna be far apart from my mom. My mom is my whole life. I always feel the need to look out for her, to protect her, even when she actually can survive pretty well on her own. I just need to be close to her. Another reason I don't wanna go is because I've changed. A lot. I'm not the old Hana who dreams big and won't settle for only enough. I used to want great things but now I am okay with just making through life. I'm content with being a normal girl living a normal life. Maybe that is why I'm not as disappointed as I should be. Maybe that's why I'm not bawling my eyes out in bed with The Climb by Miley blasting out of my speakers at full volume. But I know how it's gonna be like with my dad. He's gonna have this disappointed look on his face and I won't be able to look him in the eyes. It's all really his fault that everything's messed up the way it is but I would still feel sad that he's sad... I really feel like disappearing to somewhere now. Can I just run away from all this until everything becomes okay again?

downer.

It's past midnight and I suddenly have this compelling urge to blog. GILA.

There was a time when everything worked out perfectly for me. I had everything. I was in the zone. But now, everything is just WRONG. I haven't done a single thing right since I come here. I don't know where the hell I went wrong but all I know is I need my mojo back. I've become such an unhappy person and I know it. But it's like there's no life left in me. I'm just here for the sake of existing, no joke. I haven't done anything that I'm proud of for the last 6 months or so. I haven't been truly happy. God, this is turning out to be a typical emo post but I can't help it. I think I need a therapist and I'm not kidding.